


Dungeons and Demons

by the_nerdiest_insanity



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dungeons & Dragons, Author Has Never Played Dungeons & Dragons, Based on a Tumblr Post, Canon Related, Canon Rewrite, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Gratuitous The Adventure Zone References, How Do I Tag, I Know Nothing About Dungeons & Dragons, I Made My Own Rules, I Tried, I actually know a little about dnd, I know these tags make it sound like chaos, I wanna play but have no one to play with so this happens, I'm Sorry, M/M, Other, Swearing, Tags Are Hard, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, What-If, and, and trying to find a dnd equivallent, as in what if the entire story was a game of dnd, but I want to and I learned what I could, but really it's me going frame by frame or page by page through everything, for the plot, gratuitous pop culture references, mixing canons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24503203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_nerdiest_insanity/pseuds/the_nerdiest_insanity
Summary: or How Four Children Created A World And (Almost) Destroyed It (With The Help Of Three Of Their Friends)Basically, what-if the whole story was actually one giant Dungeons and Dragons campaign told by someone who has never played but really wants to.
Relationships: Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Brian & Pepper & Wensleydale & Adam Young (Good Omens), Original Character & Original Character, Original Character(s)/Original Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	1. Puppy Dog Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! You actually clicked on these even after all of those tags!
> 
> Thank you so incredibly much! I've put hours of work into this and can't wait to share.
> 
> I got the idea randomly from a text post that I saw once that was a screenshot of a tumblr post. It was talking about if Good Omens was a DnD game and it went something along the lines of Crowley: "I roll to see if I notice the kid isn't the antichrist... nat 1" DM: "You don't notice for 11 years." And now I have 25 pages in Google Docs completely full of this story.
> 
> As mentioned in the tags, I haven't actually played DnD personally, but I have followed The Adventure Zone for awhile and I read every pdf/handbook I could find. I still throw half the rules out the window, but it's mostly because I wanted certain things to fit better in the GO universe and some I honestly just didn't understand. I explain the things that I mess with to the best of my abilities. I truly just hope I didn't butcher anything too horribly. (And if I got something just flat out, 100% wrong, please let me know so I can fix it and change it and/or learn the right way, so I don't end up doing it like eight more times throughout the story.)
> 
> Also, to help with figuring out with player goes with which character (though you should catch on pretty fast and the players have the real life actors' names):  
> Neil (he/him)-DM/God/Misc Characters  
> Michael/Mike/Mikey (they/them)-Aziraphale  
> David/Dave/Davey (he/him)-Crowley  
> Sam (she/her)-Adam Young
> 
> And yes, I did change the genders of some of the players because I know that people don't always play characters of their same gender and I thought it would make the cast a bit more interesting, especially when Newt and Shadwell's players join.
> 
> Well, I've already made this much longer than this needs to be, so I'll stop here so you can enjoy!

“How did you get me to agree to this again?”

David smirked. “Because you’re just as bored as us, the rest of us haven’t played before, and, let’s face it, no one can say no to Mikey’s puppy dog eyes.”

“Hey! I do not have puppy dog eyes!” someone called as they rummaged through their string bag.

“Yes, you do,” the last player called as she descended into the basement, “And you know _exactly_ how to use them.”

Michael looked up from their bag with a pout. It shouldn’t work on a 6’2” person with the build of a football player, yet it does completely.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“That’s it!”

“My point exactly.”

The other just rolls their eyes, blushing at getting caught, and goes back to their bag. They mutter, “I don’t do it on purpose.”

David continues to stare at Mikey with his own puppy dog eyes until Neil gives him a swift slap upside the head. “You keep drooling like that and you’ll die from dehydration,” the newcomer announces with a devious smile.

“Shut up! They might hear you!” David quietly yells while rubbing his head.

Sam comes practically skipping over to the two half brothers. “Are we teasing Dave about his totally obvious crush on Mike?”

David tries to shush her as Neil just gives her a nod.

Sam claps her hands together and rubs them while saying, “Oh good, my favorite pastime.”

Dave facepalms and sighs. "They probably don't even like me back, _especially_ after this long."

Sam and Neil share _a look_ over Dave's head and roll their eyes.

Neil chuckled and being a nice brother, for now, announced, “Alright, if I’m gonna be roped into DMing this thing, we better get started.”

“Yes!” Sam cheered.

David lifted his head up and smiled.

“Got it!” And Michael triumphantly held up the lip balm they had been looking for. The other three broke down laughing. Mike, having brought down their findings and feeling a bit embarrassed, asked, “What?”

… 

Neil sighed. “So, we’re only playing with three people. It’s tiny. It’s pitiful. You’re gonna get rekt.”

David rolled his eyes and responded, “Yes, yes, we know. You’ve been saying that since we proposed this idea to you. Now, can we get started?”

Neil just shrugged. “I just want to remind you all before we start. You’re especially screwed because of the world that Sam”--he looks to his left--”and Big M”--he looks to his right, over Dave’s head--”decided to come up with. 

With all beginners we _should_ have started with a premade world and story, but no. You are all insane and wanted to come up with everything yourselves and I was up the past two nights coming up with a story and multiple paths that you might end up taking.” He’s rubbing his temples by this point and leaning on the table.

David leaned farther back into Mikey and they put their arm around him. “You know us bro. Go big or go home. How did you not expect this?”

The other sighs and replies, “I expected maybe something crazy with the characters, not an entire brand new goddamn campaign with new named races, classes smashed together, and skills that you all just handpicked instead of what was supposed to come with the other things you picked out.” Neil paused and ran his fingers through his hair. It was falling in his face a lot. He needs to get a haircut. “And that’s not even mentioning the shitting apocalypse that is going to happen. Like, what the fuck guys.”

Sam smirks. “You said we could pick any campaign we wanted.”

Neil glares at her before shaking his head to clear it. His hair fell into his eyes again, so he grabbed an elastic that was laying around and put a little ponytail on top of his head. That’s as far as the hair would reach. When Dave started snickering, he was shot his own glare from his half brother and quickly shut up. 

“Let’s just get started,” he says, “We’ll go around and explain our characters to the group ‘cuz lord knows we need explanations after the shit show you turned the character sheets into. The Big MS,” Mike looked up from where they were playing with Davey’s hair, “why don’t you start us off?”

Michael grabbed their sheet off the table and cleared their throat before speaking, “My character’s name is Aziraphale. He’s an angel or in a typical game the closest class would be a high elf.” They directed the last part of the sentence to Neil who mouthed a “thank you,” that they nodded in response. “He’s class is a cleric and a wizard mixed together, and his alignment is chaotic good.” He waited while the others jotted down notes.

Well, Neil and Sam did. David just sat there leaning against them doing nothing.

“His skills,” Michael continued, “are sleight of hand”--Davey snorted next to them which they chose to ignore--”history, arcana, religion, animal handling, perception, and deception.”

Neil rolls his eyes and says, “Is that all?”

Mike’s eyes light up. “Can I have more?”

“No,” Neil replied sternly.

Mike sighed, “Fine.” They looked back at their character sheet. “So, onto a bit of backstory stuff because if we went over all of the backstory Davey and I created, we'd be here for like a half hour."

Neil and Sam shared a look hearing that the two apparently worked together on the character's story.

"So, Aziraphale is an angel, like I said. He's a Principality which means that he's kinda mid tier in the Heavenly hierarchy if not a bit on the lower end. He's been on Earth since literally the beginning, as in Garden of Eden beginning. He's been basically a field agent for Heaven and performs small miracles for them. 

Currently, like in modern times, he owns a little bookshop full of first editions, that he's very proud of, because he's literally collected them through the years. Also, it really isn't a bookshop since he doesn't want to lose any of them, so he does everything he can to keep people from actually buying the books from bat-squat crazy hours to books nearly landing on people's heads to just making people second guess their choices.

And last, but not least, he is best friends with Davey's character, and we'll explain their relationship a bit more after he explains his character."

Davey, who's been almost suspiciously quiet this whole time, sits up and grabs his paper before leaning back against Mikey again. "I guess it's my turn," he says.

"Mine's Crowley or, as the humans would know him, Anthony J Crowley and, technically, when he first was on Earth he went by Crawly. He's a demon or tiefling for… well, Neil."

Neil growls at the other.

David continues on, "He's also a druid mixed with a rogue and is chaotic neutral.

Then for skills he's got stealth, history, nature, religion, animal handling, perception, deception, intimidation, and persuasion." He was nice enough to pause and let the others write.

Once the others had put down their pencils, he said, "Now that you're all done with that, I think it's backstory time again.

Crowley is a demon who's been around Earth since the beginning, as long as Aziraphale. He's a snake, literally. He can shapeshift into one, but doesn't do it often; however, it's important to note, at least in my opinion, that he was the serpent of Eden and was the one who convinced Eve to sin. 

He's a huge hit Downstairs. He's gotten huge honors for committing horrible acts when he's not the one who does them. Since he's one of the only field agents they have, they assume he's the one doing it, even if it was really just humans being assholes to each other.

He still does evil, but it's more like gluing coins to the sidewalk or making a show cut out right at the big reveal, not things like the Spanish Inquisition.

Modern day, he doesn't do much. He has a pretty barren flat that he stays at, but he does have an impressive plant arrangement. And, speaking of arrangements…" David looked up at Mikey.

"Oh right!" they say. The pair sit up a bit and get ready to finish their tale.

"Well, we had our characters come to an arrangement," Michael starts.

"Since they've both been on a small world for a very long time, most likely trying to undo the other's work. We figured that they would run into each other at least a few times, if not often," Davey continues.

"So we figured that 1) even though they are enemies, they probably have become some sort of friends because after watching every other friend on Earth you make die, you'd want to be around the one that won't; plus, they might have more in common than they think, but we’ll come back to that, and 2) they had this arrangement that we came up with where instead of sending both people to do the job and cancel each other out, one person would go do both," Mike adds.

"Clearly the higher-ups aren't paying attention to them, so they can easily get away with it, plus that means that they have to meet up more to find out if they are going to the same place or not. Currently though, they both live near each other, though their respective headquarters don't know that," David says.

"Nor do they know that they hangout frequently for drinks or dinner," Mikey finished.

Sam and Neil just kinda stare.

"Wow," Sam finally says, "you two have put a _lot_ of thought into this."

Michael blushes and nods while David smiles proudly.

Sam then continues, almost thinking out loud, with, "You know, they sound so close, you know. They seem more like husbands or at least boyfriends than just friends to me."

Michael's blush deeps as they shrink in their seat while David's smile drops and he starts stuttering out incoherent syllables.

Sam, quick to fix whatever mistake she just made that made her friends this uncomfortable, rushes and adds, “I don’t mean that in a bad way by any means. I think it’s really cute and adds just a bit extra to their story. You don’t have to do that. I was rambling. Don’t listen to me.”

Mike mutters a slightly cheerful, “I guess,” that turns Dave’s spine ridged and face red. He wants to turn around and ask the other what they mean by that, but with the tension in the air broken, Sam took it as her turn for her character introduction.

“My character’s... well, the antichrist.” Once she starts talking, Mike relaxes in the seat once more, focusing on writing instead, so David, cautiously, takes it as his usual open invitation to lean against them.

“I don’t have a name for him yet, mostly because of how we structured the story, and I just couldn’t settle on a name. I have a list! But, you guys can help me decide when we actually have to introduce him in the story. 

Anyway, he’s kinda a half-demon, or halfling and definitely a rogue and chaotic neutral as well. His skills are acrobatics, nature, investigation, animal handling, and performance. I would let you finish writing and get into the backstory, but I’m pretty sure his whole backstory is going to unfold in front of us.”

Neil made a so-so gesture with his hand. “More or less.”

“So can we start the story now?” Sam pleaded, practically vibrating right out of her seat.

Neil sighed. “There are just a couple of things that I want to go over about your jacked up characters, specifically Crowley and Aziraphale.”

Michael and David immediately perked up and paid attention to their dungeon master at hearing their characters called.

“Both of your characters can perform these things called ‘miracles’ which basically mean you can do anything and because of that there are just a couple of ground rules to keep you two from just completely destroying the plot and everything with it.”

David pouted slightly, but Mike just nodded their head.

“You can only perform 3 minor ‘miracles’ or 1 major one before you have to recharge. Since your characters wouldn’t technically need to eat or sleep, I figure you would just have to do one or the other and it would count. 

Also, you will have to perform an ability check every time you use one to see if it works. I will determine how high you need to roll for each ‘miracle’ individually and will tell you how high you have to score to pass before each. If you get a critical failure, it will cause the ‘miracle’ to backfire in some form. If you fail, but don’t get a critical, nothing happens, but you still use a spell slot--I mean you still use up an available ‘miracle.’”

Mike nodded along with Neil’s words while David just let out a highly confused, “What the hell?”

Neil just snickered and patted his half brother’s shoulder. “You’ll pick it up as we go.”

“Oh!” Neil added, like a lightbulb went off, “You also can die in game. Obviously anything blessed, like holy water, can kill a demon and anything demonic, like hellfire, can kill an angel, but you can technically ‘die’ from mortal things as well.” He used air quotes around die.

“If their bodies, or corporations or vessels or whatever you wanna call them, take too much damage, they can give out and technically send either the demon or angel to their respective offices without a way to return to Earth. So, don’t think either of you are immortal or safe from me.” He finished the last sentence with what could only be described as an evil grin.

Mikey looked a little paler and scared, but nodded in compliance. David huffed, yet muttered out, “Fine,” since he didn’t want to fight with his brother and hold the game up any longer.

“Great,” Neil said with a clap of his hands. “Anything else can be explained as we go, so let’s get started.”

The three players leaned closer to the table and their dungeon master. They can’t wait!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you enjoyed this first chapter! I know we didn't reach the campaign yet, but you'll get that next chapter... which I'm posting tomorrow! I made sure to have at least the first two done before I posted so I could post them back to back since I, personally, really wanted to get to the actual campaign. However, everything in this chapter was necessary before we continued. 
> 
> Also, I don't know if anyone got the really obscure TAZ quote, but if you did, here! *hands cookie* There will be plenty more where those came from, both the cookies and TAZ quotes.
> 
> Again, if I got something just flat out, completely wrong, please let me know so I can fix it and/or learn the right way, so I don't end up doing it throughout the story. That's kinda a pet peeve of mine and I'd really hate to be on like the second to last chapter and someone comment, "By the way, ability checks actually mean..." as I just stare at my screen in horror, wondering if I can quickly write everything I've already posted.
> 
> I just want to thank you again for reading and hope you come back again tomorrow! Please give me any and all sorts of feedback, positive or negative, I truly just want to improve my writing. Stay Safe!


	2. In The Beginning (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The campaign begins! 
> 
> Neil quickly wants to quit. 
> 
> David came out to have a good time and is honestly feeling so attacked right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told to I would get this out today! Also, the campaign begins! 
> 
> Fair warning for anyone who has either only read the books or only seen the show, I basically take both canons and smash them together however I want because... I'm the author? I mean, both are extremely similar, so if you have only done one, you'll still be fine. I just want you to know that I'm not pulling these scenes or details out of my ass. I usually pick one over the other because it has more detail or if it's not in the other one. However, even within like three sentences I will switch from show to book to show again, so if you do actually try to follow along with either, you might get whiplash.
> 
> Also, it will mainly follow the show, just because I've seen the show like five time and I've read the book through once. So, things that changed in adaption like God's gender or Crowley's look will be based on the show's canon. But, I do make a few jokes about those sorts of things when I can. You'll see ;)
> 
> There are also a few scenes that are going to be rearanged for plot purposes since Anathema, Newt, and Shadwell's characters are going to enter the story/party later. Because of that, it wouldn't make sence to meet them before they are technically even created (with the exception of Anathema which I'll explain as I go).
> 
> On a less important note, I have a few, obvious, references in here, so let me know if you find them! So with that, on to the story!

“Current theories on the creation of the Universe state that--”

“What are you doing?” David interjected.

Neil turned and gave him a pointed look. “I’m setting the mood, jackass. Now shut up and let me do my job, unless you wanna DM.”

David silently held his hands up in surrender and leaned back into Michael once again.

Neil cleared his throat and started again.

“Current theories on the creation of the Universe state that, if it was created at all and didn’t just start in a ‘big bang’--he used air quotes again earning a snicker from both Michael and Sam--”it came into being between 10 and 20 thousand million years ago. By the same logic, the Earth itself is generally supposed to be roughly 4 ½ thousand million years old.

These dates are incorrect.

Some medieval scholars put the date of Creation at 3760 BC. Others put Creation as far back as 5508 BC. Also, incorrect. Archbishop James Usher claimed that the Heaven and the Earth were created on Sunday, October 21st, 4004 BC at 9AM. This too was incorrect. By almost a quarter of an hour.

The whole business with the fossilized dinosaur skeletons was a joke that paleontologists haven’t figured out yet.” That earned a few laughs around the table; however, he carried on, “This proves two things:

Firstly, God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising--” “Why is he a boy?”

Neil stopped and turned towards Sam. “What?”

Sam crossed her arms. “Why is God a male? Why not female or even nonbinary?”

“Yeah!” Mike concurred.

Neil sighs. “Look, God could literally be any gender, I have no damn idea what gender God would be. I’m only using he/him pronouns because in this situation, well, _I’m_ God.”

Sam pouted in her seat. “Mike and I are playing as characters that don’t use the same pronouns as us,” she mutters to the floor.

Neil sighed again. “Why must you guys always have to question everything remotely straight or hetronormative?”

The other three exchanged a look before simultaneously shouting, “Could be gayer!”

Neil just let his head hit the table while whispering, “We haven’t even technically started yet. I’m never gonna make it.”

The others laughed for a while until they noticed that their dungeon master wasn’t picking his head up.

Sam gently rubbed his back. “Hey buddy, it’s alright. We were just joking. We don’t care either, honestly.”

Neil’s head snapped up making everyone jump a bit. “No, it’s fine. God’ll just use she/her pronouns.”

“Neil, you don’t have to do that for our sake. We really don’t care and if it makes it harder for the campaign--”

“No, really guys, it makes no difference and I don’t care either. Besides--” he smirked at Sam “--you know I love Ariana Grande.”

Sam started laughing, as did the other two in the room, and gave him a light punch on the arm. “You’re such a dork sometimes.”

Neil looked offended. “Only _sometimes_? I have to try harder then.”

Sam laughed a bit more while getting resituated in her chair. The tension in the air is completely gone.

“Where was I? Ah! _She_ plays an ineffable game of Her own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won’t tell you the rules, and who _smiles all the time._ ” Of course, Neil said all of that with a gigantic shit eating grin on his face.

David sighed.

Michael looked terrified.

Sam looked like she was going to vibrate right out of her chair with excitement.

“Secondly, the Earth is a Libra.”

Michael, the only other person in the room who paid any attention to astrology, burst out laughing.

David looked over his shoulder. With concern in his voice, he asked, “Mikey? You okay?”

Mikey took another second to collect and right themself before giving Davey an affirmative and nodding at Neil to continue.

“The astrological prediction for Libra in the _Tadfeild Adviser,_ on the day our adventure begins--” he paused a beat to let the two smart players finish their notes before continuing “--read as follows:

You may be feeling run down and always in the same old daily round. Home and family matters are highlighted and are hanging fire. Avoid unnecessary risks, A friend is important to you. Shelve major decisions until the way ahead seems clear. You may be vulnerable to a stomach upset today, so avoid salads. Help could come from an unexpected quarter.

This is perfectly correct on every count except for the bit about the salads.”

“Now, really quick, before we get into like plot important stuff, Sam, do you wanna help me with a few side characters until you’re actually in the story?”

Sam lit up. “Totally!”

“Great,” Neil breathed out in relief. He made _way_ too many characters and would probably end up struggling trying to keep up with them all. “Okay, so you’re going to currently be a demon named Ligur and here’s his character sheet.” He passed the materials over to the waiting girl.

He cleared his throat getting back into “dungeon master mode.” “It wasn’t a dark and stormy night. But don’t let the weather fool you, just because it’s a mild night doesn’t mean that the forces of evil aren’t abroad. They are. They are everywhere.”

Neil pulls out two black and evil looking figurines and puts them on their playing map with a little brown token next to one.

“Two demons emerge from the ground. They lurk at the edge of the graveyard. They’re pacing themselves and could lurk for the rest of the night if necessary, with still enough sullen menace left for a final burst of lurking around dawn.”

“Bugger this for a lark,” Neil continues, but in a strange voice that’s deeper and more gravely. “He should have been waiting for us,” says the Duke of Hell Hastur” He looks over Sam to see if she wants to respond.

She jumps. “Wh--me? Wait. What am I supposed to be doing?”

In hindsight, Neil realised that while he gave Sam everything she needed to know about the character, he forgot to fill her in on their current situation.

He makes a motion for her to come close and gives her all the information about the scene. 

“Ohhhhh. I get it now.” She hunches a bit in her seat and puts a growl in her voice. “‘Do you trust him?’ Ligur asks.”

Neil sneers. “‘Nope.’”

“‘Good. It’d be a funny old world if demons went around trusting each other. What’s he calling himself up here these days?’”

“‘Crowley,’” Neil spat.

And then he immediately did a personality 180 and turned toward David. In his usual voice he asked, “How would you like your character to enter the scene?”

“Uh,” David started with, still a bit shaken by his brother’s dynamic change. “Hmm.” He looked down at his character sheet when he found his answer. With a face splitting grin, he replied, “Crowley rides in inside a 1926 black Bentley blasting ‘Bohemian Rhapsody.’”

Neil looked taken aback for a second before schooling himself. He puts a red demon figure on the table, in front of the others and shrugs, “Alright.”

“At seeing this,” Neil says, “Haster utters, ‘Here he comes now, the flash bastard.’”

“Rude,” David mutters under his breath.

Neil continues, “‘If you ask me, he’s been up here too long. Gone native. Enjoying himself too much. All hail Satan!’”

Sam pipes up with, “Ligur responds in kind. ‘All hail Satan.’”

David sits up more, ready to get in on the action. “Crowley gets out of the car and saunters towards the others. He replies, ‘Ugh, sorry I’m late, but you know how it is on the A40 at Denham, and then I tried to cut up toward Chorley--”

“‘Now that we are all here,’ Hastur cuts off Crowley’s ramblings, 'let us recall the Deeds of the Day.’”

“‘Yeah, of course. Deeds.’”

“‘I have tempted a priest,’ Hastur announced profoundly, ‘As he walked down the street. He saw all the pretty girls in the sun, I put Doubt into his mind. He would have been a saint. Now, within a decade, we shall have him.’”

“‘Nice one.’”

“Ligur goes next saying, ‘I have corrupted a politician--’”

From the other side of the table, in their best Elle Woods impression, Mike goes, “What, like it’s hard?”

Dave and Neil bust out laughing. Sam’s trying to give an annoyed look at Mike for stealing her thunder, but she’s barely keeping it together as well.

Once they all calm down, Sam clears her throat to everyone’s attention again, “As Ligur was saying before being interrupted.” She gives a pointed look at Mike who is staring at David’s head as they pet his hair, looking the picture of innocence, while the other is trying to stifle a new laugh behind his hand. “‘I have corrupted a politician. I let him think a tiny bribe wouldn’t hurt. Within a year we shall have him.’”

Dave sat up once more, ready to speak again, ”Since it’s Crowley’s turn, he goes, ‘Alright, you’ll like this. I brought down every London area mobile phone network tonight.’”

Neil, trying not to laugh and break character, says, “Hastur looks at Crowley, puzzled, and replies with just, ‘Yeah...’”

“‘Yeah. It wasn’t easy actually I--’”

“‘What has that done to secure souls for our master?’”

“‘Oh come on, think about it. _50 million_ pissed off people who take it out on each other.’”

“‘It’s not exactly, hmm, craftsmanship,’” Sam adds.

“‘Well, head office don’t seem to mind. They love me down there, guys. Times are changing.’” David rolls his eyes for both himself and Crowley. “So, what’s up?”

Neil smirks. “‘This is.’ Hastur holds what appears to be a wicker picnic basket in front of him.”

“Uhh.” David knew that smirk. He’d seen that specific smirk on his half brother’s face many times in his life and it never turned out well for him. He quickly rummaged through his papers from character sheets to rules until finally... “Ah! I roll a perception check!”

Neil nodded a little. At least that meant that Dave was going in the right direction. “So roll then.”

The color quickly drained from Dave’s face. “Shit,” he breathed. One of the things in this game he can’t control.

With no other real options or at least as far as he knew, which was very limited, he rolled. “Uh, 17 with a...” he scrambles for his sheet to double check “... a plus 2 modifier.” He looks over at his brother. “What does that mean?”

Neil’s devious smirk was still in full force when he casually said, “That means that you detect that the newborn antichrist is in the basket that is being handed to you.”

Nevermind before, the color _really_ drained from David’s face this time. You’d think his brother was _actually_ handing him the antichrist right now.

“No,” Dave says.

“Yes,” Sam replies with a smirk of her own. _The traitor,_ Dave thinks.

David tries to shake it off and tells himself that it’s just a game. It doesn’t help much. “‘Already?’”

“‘Yes,’” Neil answers. He’s nerve wracking smirk unwavering.

“‘And it’s up to me to...’”

“‘Yes,’” Neil and Sam say together. It sends chills down David’s spine.

“‘You know, it, uh, hm, ah, er, it’s not really my scene.’”

“‘Your scene. Your starring role,’” Sam adds. “‘Take it.’”

“‘Like you said,’” Neil says, ‘“times are changing.’”

“‘They’re coming to an end for a start.’”

“‘Why me?’” David tries to plead for both of them.

“They love you down there. And what an opportunity, Ligur here would give his right arm to be you, tonight.’”

“‘Or someone’s right arm anyway,’” Sam finishes. 

“Hastur pulls out a contract and hands it to Crowley saying, ‘Sign here.’”

David sighs, knowing that neither he, nor Crowley are getting out of this. “Crowley signs and returns the document. ‘Now what?’ he asks”

“‘You will receive your instructions.’ Hastur tells him. ‘Why so glum? The moment we’ve been working for _all_ these centuries is at hand!’”

“‘Right. Centuries.’”

“‘Our moment of eternal triumph awaits!’” Sam contributes.

‘“Triumph.’”

“‘And you will be a tool of that glorious destiny!’” Neil continues, clearly now just doing this to watch his brother squirm.

“‘Glorious tool, yep.’ Crowley grabs the basket and starts making his way towards his car. ‘Okay. I’ll, ah, er, be off then. Get it over with. Not that I _want_ to get it over with, obviously, but I’ll be popping along. Great. Fine. Yep.’ At this point he’s at the Bentley. He says, ‘ _Ciao_ ’ before he hops in and drives off.’”

“‘What’s that mean, _ciao_?’ Ligur asks Hastur.”

“‘It’s Italian... means, food.’”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> Just because of how long this is, I'll probably only update once a week, but I'll try for twice. So expect updates between Tuesday and Thursday next week.
> 
> Next time we'll see Dave still not quite knowing what he's doing and bring Aziraphale into the story.
> 
> I currently have no idea how long this is going to be. It'll all depend on how fast I get through the canon material going forward and how fast the characters catch on to the game. 
> 
> I just want to thank you again for reading and hope you come back again! Please give me any and all sorts of feedback, positive or negative, I truly just want to improve my writing. Stay Safe!


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